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to honor the journey that you had,” she says.

Since Wevorce launched, the site has collected a gold mine of data, including this nugget: In heterosexual marriages, the wife initiates the divorce 74 percent of the time, and in most instances, she has been considering a breakup for about 18 months. Despite the fact that they set the process in motion, many of these women depart their marriages conflicted.

Suzanne Riss, coauthor of The Optimist’s Guide to Divorce: How to Get Through Your Breakup and Create a New Life You Love, based her book on a divorce club she started for women to share their stories. (More than 50 women showed up to the

first meeting in her hometown of Maplewood, New Jersey, in March 2013.) She warns, “Even for women who make the choice to leave, there can be really strong feelings of anger and disappointment.”

Twice-divorced Kristen C., who works at a tech startup in San Francisco, can speak to both divorce extremes. The 32-year-old’s first marriage ended badly in 2010. “We were barely speaking and there was so much tension. I knew I didn’t want to go through that again,” she recalls. When she realized her second marriage wasn’t working out, in January 2016, she specifically researched an amicable option and used Wevorce to help her legally dissolve the union. “It wasn’t super-enjoyable, but it felt like we were keeping it civil and were able to be adults about it,” she says. “My ex and I went together to file the divorce and then went and got coffee afterward. That was a little surreal.”

After the prolonged pettiness and personal attacks that typify an old-school divorce, “Many people just dim down and shut their hearts because it’s such a shattering experience,” says Woodward Thomas. But one of the upsides to ending things on a high note is that it may leave both parties more open to finding love again. Haney, the fashion designer, agrees. In a thoroughly modern twist, after she reconnected with—and married—an old friend from college, she wanted her ex-husband to live happily ever after, too. Three years ago, she happened to meet actress Rhea Seehorn at an L.A. hair salon. Seehorn was fresh from a breakup, and Haney saw an opportunity. “I was like, ‘I know this really awesome guy ... ’” she recalls. Haney didn’t let on that the guy was actually her former husband, but Seehorn found out after some pregame Googling and took a chance
LOV
anyway. She and Larson are now engaged. “I told them I wanted to host their engagement party!” says Haney, though she adds, with a grin, that it all probably sounds “a little weird.” Obviously, this rise in happy splits is breaking the stigma of shame and failure—and that’s good for everyone. But Theresa DiDonato, a psychology professor at Loyola University Maryland, cautions that the trend can make it seem like breaking up is suddenly easy to do. “Resolving a conflict in an amicable way is great,” she says. “But divorce can be really traumatic, and people shouldn’t assume that it’s not going to be a big deal from an emotional standpoint.”
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MY EX AND I WENT TOGETHER TO FILE THE DIVORCE AND THEN WENT AND GOT COFFEE AFTERWARD. THAT WAS A LITTLE SURREAL"

—Kristen C., on the amicable dissolution of her second marriage
Zien, the TV development executive, can relate. She and her ex now live just three blocks from each other and spend holidays like Halloween and Christmas together with their girls. “But it’s still a roller coaster of emotions,” she concedes. “Sometimes, you love being alone, and sometimes, you get lonely.” Nevertheless, she gained a great friend in her ex. Recently, he called to tell her that he overheard two people talking about their divorce horror stories and how awful they and their exes treat each other. “He said, ‘I want to tell you how much I appreciate you as an ex-wife,’” says Zien.

“I was like, ‘Oh, my God. You’re making me have warm feelings toward you.’” m<
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